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April 29, 2014

The thing is, I don’t really believe in them. That’s why I didn’t have a lot to say about the guy who does the psychic readings. I do believe that “letting go” is part of the grieving process, but I think that is the task of the living, not the dead. My family, bless them, could not be more gone, & the idea that they can actually be contacted just prolongs the final stage of grief. Which might be helpful for awhile initially; right after the loss it might ease the transition to acceptance, but not 20 years later. To my way of thinking, each person’s individuality, like a drop of water, was long ago subsumed into the great ocean of the cosmos. I think that energy can be “repurposed,” as we like to say these days, since energy can’t be destroyed, but in this case it doesn’t reappear in its original form but probably, as Kevin Costner says in Bull Durham, as Joe Schmoe.

There’s this great movie called “Grace of my Heart” that includes a character loosely based on Brian Wilson, the nutty Beach Boy. After he commits suicide his wife really loses it in a way that’s similar to the way I did–she cannot seem to move on. She is telling a friend that her inability to get past the loss is entirely because the person who died hasn’t completely let go of life & that once she facilitates that, everything will be fine. Her friend says “He did let go of life. He drowned himself.” That’s a good reflection of what I think about this issue. The dead have all made their decisions, especially those who leave voluntarily. When people say that ghosts are still looming around out there even if I don’t think so, it feels the same way as when christians tell me god doesn’t mind if I’m an atheist. & yes, I did not capitalize “christ.” It wasn’t his name, you know.


From → Letters, Manifestos

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