Don’t eat yellow snow and DON’T get in a pool with infants.

Ick. I think “Lil’ Swimmers” may have edged out infants in general for first place in the “all-time worst gross-outs.” If there is anything an infant can be trusted to do, it’s shit. And yet this summer, at a pool near you, millions of parents will blithely place you at risk for giardia and crypto because it’s way more important that their kid have a good time than that the rest of the world stay healthy. They may think “Lil Swimmers” are protecting you, but don’t be fooled. If you have ever swum in a pool with infants, chances are you have swum in a vat of simmering E. coli, giardia, E. coli O157:H7, Hepatitis A, Giardia Parasite, and rarely, Crypto Parasite. I mean, how often does little Johnny crap, and when was the last time you ever witnessed a pool closure (legal minimum of 45 minutes) due to a “fecal incident.” Probably never, & trust me, it’s not because there haven’t been any incidents; it’s because closing the pool will hurt business, & hey. What you don’t see can’t hurt you, right?  Wait. Make that “what you CAN see can get in your eyes.” eeeuww.

So get ready. Parents, who are inured to the sights, smells, and sounds of  their spawn, are bringing their 10-pound poop factory to a pool near you.